


Bleach: The Trouble with Valentine's Day, Revisited

by YenGirl



Category: Bleach
Genre: Almost Crack, Bromance, Food Porn, Humour, M/M, Minimal plot if any, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22727056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YenGirl/pseuds/YenGirl
Summary: In which Ikkaku thinks that the Squad Four hospital is the best place to hide from Yachiru Kusajishi during Valentine's Day, only of course it isn't.
Relationships: Best friends in denial, best friends - Relationship, bromance - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Bleach: The Trouble with Valentine's Day, Revisited

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone and Happy Valentine's Day! It's been exactly a year since I wrote The Trouble With Valentine's Day so here's the sort of sequel. Enjoy :)
> 
> Warnings: Spoilers for Episode 220 (Ikkaku Falls! The Shinigami's Crisis), some silliness, possible OOC-ness and minimal plot if any.
> 
> Rating: T
> 
> Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.

\- Story Start -

Two days had passed since Ichigo fought Aizen and, together with Urahara's help, sealed him away. The other two traitors Ichimaru and Tousen were dead.

Gotei 13 called it a victory, but Matsumoto, Komamura and Hinamori might beg to defer. The former two had been best friends with the dead traitors while the latter was too injured by _her_ best friend to form an opinion one way or another.

Ikkaku couldn't spare much attention for any of them. He had his own demons to deal with. Thanks to his refusal to use his Bankai against that Arrancar Poww, the pillar he was defending had almost fallen; _would_ have fallen if Captain Komamura and Iba hadn't stepped in.

Yumichika, Hisagi and Kira had successfully defended the other three pillars, but Ikkaku Madarame, third Seat Officer of Squad 11, the most bloodthirsty squad in the Gotei 13, had failed. He didn't know which was more humiliating - being the only officer who had failed in his task, or enduring Iba's scolding after that for jeopardising their mission because of his refusal to use his Bankai.

To add insult to injury, the other three were strutting about the place after their respective battles with nothing more than a bruise or two - Yumi didn't even have a scratch on him! - while Ikkaku was now laid up in the Squad Four hospital with his right arm in a splint, a couple of cracked ribs, bruises all over his body, and his pride in the dust.

Lieutenant Isane, exhausted and short tempered, flatly refused his demand to heal his wounds with kido. Captain Unohana went one step further and told him that letting his wounds heal at their normal rate was the only way to keep him in bed.

Ikkaku made sure to gripe and sulk - as much as dared to in front of Captain Unohana - until both healers left his room and then he sighed and leaned back against the pillows. His conscience twinged a bit at putting on such a show, but for good reason.

Today was Valentine's Day and he hadn't forgotten about last year's flowery fiasco. It still made him break out in goose bumps of shame each time he thought of it.

Thanks to Yumi wanting to adorn his eye feathers with tiny flowers, his and Ikkaku's fingers had ended up being glued together. Then that little fiend Yachiru had placed flower wreaths on their heads and snapped a photo of them - Yumi looking beautiful as always and Ikkaku like he was destined for the loony ward. The two of them had chased the cackling Yachiru all over Seireitei in a desperate attempt to get her camera, forgetting that a) their fingers were still glued together, making them look like they were holding hands, b) the ugly wreaths were still on their heads, making them look like they had just gotten married in some pagan ritual, and c) everyone and their grandmother would be on the streets that morning which made their exercise pointless.

Needless to say, Yachiru outran them with the result that their picture ended up on the front page of the Shinigami Women's Association Monthly while the pictures of her other victims were on the inside pages.

For crying out loud, why did she think that their picture was front page news?!

Was it because Yumichika Ayasegawa was by far the most beautiful Shinigami officer in Squad 11, heck, in the entire Gotei 13?

Sixth Squad Captain Kuchiki might disagree, but Ikkaku would fight him any day over that. Not that he would in case the rumours of him and Yumi being secretly married surfaced all over again like it did last year. Just recalling the questions he had been bombarded with was more than enough to trigger Ikkaku's eye twitching problem.

Hence, lying low at the Squad Four hospital for the next couple of days was for the best. At least he would be safe here.

\- o -

When dinner time rolled around, Ikkaku received a small tray with foldable legs, a covered platter and a glass of juice. Whipping off the cover, he blinked down at a heart shaped steak, four heart shaped onigiri or rice balls, and some steamed carrots cut in the shape of flowers.

"What the hell is this nauseating display for?" He barked at Seventh Seat Yamada who had brought him his food.

Yamada gave his signature nervous titter and backed towards the door.

"A-apologies, T-Third Seat Madarame!" He stammered, twisting his fingers together. "T-today being V-Valentine's Day, C-Captain Unohana allowed the kitchen staff to decorate the food."

Ikkaku would have swept the plate onto the floor if it weren't for the fact that food was food, and he was starving.

"Well, go deliver the rest of the trays then!"

"O-of course!" Yamada fled, slamming the door closed behind him.

Ikkaku could her the squeaky wheels of the food trolley disappearing down the corridor and scowled. He had been served a juicy looking steak, but he only had one working hand.

Great.

\- o -

Five minutes later, a tap sounded on the door before it opened. Caught off guard, Ikkaku looked up to see Yumichika leaning in the doorway and smiling at him, poised and beautiful as ever. Not that Ikkaku would never admit it, of course.

It wasn't until Yumichika's smile slipped sideways that Ikkaku realised he had the entire heart shaped steak dangling from his mouth and gravy dripping down his chin.

"Gragh."

The steak fell back onto the plate with a plop.

"Ikkakku." For a moment, Yumichika's lips twitched and then he inclined his head. "Do excuse me for interrupting your dinner."

"Come in," Ikkaku said as he wiped his chin with the paper napkin. "For crying out loud, doesn't that little runt know I have one arm in a sling?!"

Entering the room, Yumichika nudged the door closed and seated himself gracefully in the visitor chair beside the bed.

"Seventh Seat Yamada?" He enquired. "He seemed rather harried. He would've smashed the food trolley into the wall if I hadn't elbowed it straight at the last second."

"Squeaky wheels," Ikkaku grumbled.

"Two of them," Yumichika said, holding up two manicured fingers. Then he leaned forward to scrutinise Ikkaku's plate. "How's the food?"

"Alright," Ikkaku shrugged. The steak was pretty good, just that it wasn't cut up. "You can have it if you want."

Right on cue, Yumichika's tummy gurgled and his cheeks flushed a most becoming pink.

"But it's your dinner," he protested, pressing a hand to his middle as if to hold back anymore sounds.

Ikkaku just raised an eyebrow at him. Yumi might look like he subsisted on nothing but salads and fresh air, but Ikkaku knew better - Yumi's appetite rivaled his own. Ignoring his own protesting tummy, he shrugged.

"Not like I can eat it with my dominant arm busted," he muttered. Eating it with his hand while alone was one thing. Eating it like that in front of Yumi was another even though they were best friends.

Yumi's pretty purple eyes gleamed and then he took a closer look at the steak and frowned.

"But you've bitten into it," he complained. "Look, these are your teeth marks. I must say, you have a perfect bite."

Ikkaku blinked at him, having no idea about how a bite could be perfect. As long as one's teeth allowed one to eat, that was good enough for him. Besides...

"We've shared sake bottles before," he reminded.

Yumi tossed his head, combing his fingers through his shiny hair.

"That was different!"

Ikkaku narrowed his eyes.

"How was that different?"

Yumi blinked at him, cheeks turning pink again.

"Because... well, sake's alcohol. Alcohol kills germs."

Ikkaku just narrowed his eyes further.

"Fine, fine," Yumichika hastily said. With a glance at the closed door, he removed his sandals and hopped onto the bed, sitting cross legged opposite Ikkaku with the tray between them.

"We'll share your dinner," he explained. Picking up the cutlery, he cut a piece of steak at the spot where Ikkaku had bitten.

"Open up."

"What?"

"Didn't you hear me? Open up!"

"Yes, but... gragh-" Ikkaku found himself chewing the meat Yumi had shoved into his mouth.

Yumi then cut himself a piece and ate it, humming in appreciation.

"This is pretty good," he said. He didn't seem to notice that his piece had at least two teeth marks in it.

"It is." Ikkaku didn't need any prompting to open his mouth when Yumichika held out another juicy bite size piece.

They finished the food in record time, even the carrots. Ikkaku would have left them alone, but Yumi's raised eyebrow had him opening his mouth again. They weren't too bad, well seasoned and dripping with butter.

When it came to the last piece of steak, Ikkaku grabbed Yumi's wrist just as the latter brought it to his own lips.

"That's mine."

Yumi raised his eyebrow at him again.

"No, this is mine. You had your last piece of steak just before the carrot."

"I can't let a carrot be my last piece of dinner!" Ikkaku was outraged.

"Too bad," Yumi shrugged and exerted pressure to bring the laden fork closer to his mouth. For all his fixation on looks and beauty, he was strong and Ikkaku was using his non dominant arm.

"Don't you dare eat that!" Ikkaku sat upright, his grip tightening.

"Why not? It's mine."

"No! Mine!"

"You've had your last piece already!"

"I don't care! I can still taste that carrot on my tongue!"

"Carrots are good for you!"

By now, their faces were a scant inch from the piece of meat which, if it were sentient, would be quivering in fright at being the sole object of attention by two males with hearty appetites and gleaming white chompers.

Then the door opened and they froze. Even the steak.

"A-Apologies for the interruption! Have you finished... your... ahem..." Yamada's sallow complexion turned a bright red and his eyes widened. "Oh! S-So sorry, I-I didn't see anything!"

"Wait a minute," Ikkaku began, a vein pulsing in his forehead and his eyes starting to twitch. He still maintained his death grip on Yumi's wrist.

"I-It's Valentine's Day," Yamada stuttered. "P-Perfectly acceptable for couples to s-share food, r-right?"

"What did you say?" Yumichika's voice went up an octave, his eyes so big it was a wonder his eye feathers didn't fall out. He still maintained his death grip on the fork.

"I-I'll collect the tray later," Yamada said and then he glanced down the corridor. "Oh, L-Lieutenant Kusajishi! Are you visiting Third Seat Madarame? Fifth Seat Ayasegawa is here too!"

The two of them exchanged horrified looks.

In the next instant, Yamada gave a squeak and disappeared from sight as if he had been shoved. Or kicked. Ikkakku caught sight of a pink mop of hair just before he was blinded by a flash bright enough to light an entire galaxy, followed by a familiar sounding 'click'.

"I've been looking for you two the whole day," Yachiru complained and then she beamed. "Wait til I show Ken-chan this picture!"

With those words, she was off, leaving a cloud of smoke in her wake that made an out of sight Yamada cough.

Ikkaku and Yumi looked back at each other and then the former released the latter's wrist.

"You can have that last piece of steak."

"Oh no, you can have it."

"I don't want it now."

"Neither do I."

With a sigh, Yumi placed the fork back on the plate, the abandoned piece of meat now looking rather forlorn.

"I never thought Lieutenant Kusajishi would come here," he admitted, rubbing his wrist.

"No getting around that little fiend," Ikkaku muttered and then he frowned. "Sorry, was my grip too hard?"

Yumi gave a quick smile and shook his head.

"Let me see." Ikkaku grabbed his arm and shoved up his sleeve, his heart giving a pang at the red finger shaped marks forming on the soft, pale skin. Cursing, he rubbed at one such mark with his thumb.

"Sorry," he muttered and looked up to see Yumi staring at him, eyes wide and lips parted.

"What?"

There was another flash from the doorway, another 'click' and then peals of demonic laughter.

"Oh, _this_ one's even better!" And Yachiru zoomed off for the second time, cackling like the devil incarnate she was.

Ikkaku and Yumi exchanged looks of disbelief which morphed into horror. Then they leapt off the bed and rushed to the door.

"Get back here, you little fiend!" Ikkaku roared. "Haven't you humiliated us enough?!"

"Lieutenant Kusajishi, please come back!" Yumi shouted.

But of course, Yachiru had long since fled the hospital.

The following week, the Shinigami Women's Association Monthly featured Third Seat Madarame and Fifth Seat Ayasegawa on its front cover, sitting opposite each other in bed. A brooding Ikkaku was holding a flustered Yumichika's wrist while the caption read 'First Year Wedding Anniversary!'

Needless to say, every single issue was sold out within the hour.

\- Story End -

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


End file.
